Here’s another old one I’m wheeling out because today is ThatWeirdGirl’s birthday, and I haven’t really the time to write an all new one. Unfortunately, this is my last get out of jail free card, and from now on, I’ll have to write them all out, which doesn’t bother me all that much. Alex Trebek takes on Chuck Norris for the third time after the jump.
1. Because it is his native land (and God help you if you have something to say about it) Canada is considering changing its name to Trebekia.
2. Alex Trebek didn’t get a haircut to get rid of his 80s afro. His hair was scared straight by the power of his big brain.
3. Alex Trebek’s penis is so big, he only really has one leg.
4. The signaling buzzers on Jeopardy are hooked to a circuit that runs to Alex Trebek’s nipples. He likes it that way.
5. You know how Bob Barker beat up Happy Gilmore? Alex Trebek beat up Bob Barker. Take that, Happy Gilmore.
6. Chuck Norris dyes his hair red. Alex Trebek can’t dye his hair, because hair dye won’t stick to “awesome”.
7. The movie Escape From New York is based on the story of how Alex Trebek escaped from Ottawa to the US. The name of the city was changed to protect the identities of all the people he killed leaving the county. He even had an eyepatch then, too!
8. Alex Trebek’s brain works so fast, and is so big that the University of Ottawa couldn’t keep up. After two weeks, they gave him a degree and asked him to leave because he was making all the professors look like retards.
9. Everything Arthur Fonzarelli ever learned in life, he learned from Alex Trebek.
10. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a Chucktatorship. It’s a Jeopardiciary Republic. And Alex Trebek is our king.