Are you a vampire? No? Want to feel like one? Get a goddamn cape!
Do you just not feel “dark” enough? Time for a cape, son!
Did your mom tell you that you couldn’t wear your cape to the dinner table? Wear it anyways! What the hell does mom know?
Want to go trick or treating, but you’re a grown-ass man? No one rebukes the cape, man.
Want to pair something with your fashion-friendly top hat so that you can menace the prostitutes in Whitechapel? Oh, I’m afraid you’re going to need a cape for that, sir.